Photo by Patrice Sanders

“May sunshine surround you each new day. And may smiles and love never be far away. ”

— Catherine Pulsifer

“Pretty morning, huh?” my husband texted after arriving to work. What, it’s a pretty morning? I hadn’t noticed yet. Not wanting to miss the sunrise, I grabbed my winter coat and walked out to the deck for a better view. Its wood planks glistened with ice crystals and newly formed puddles touched by the sun. In the distance, rays of sunlight shot over wintery peaks, casting their radiance low and bright across our green lawn. I breathed in the cold morning air and mused over the possibility that I was witnessing the seasons change at that very moment. Even the sound of my footsteps made me smile as I went to move my car before the painters arrived. My shoes caught and released their grip on the frost-covered steps as if they too were letting go of winter and welcoming spring.

After a dark, rainy winter in the Pacific Northwest, spring is something to marvel at. This week, the inside of our home has been especially dim, not because of winter, but from the opaque painter’s wrap covering our windows. Unable to see through the film, our house feels strangely enclosed, drab, and claustrophobic. If my husband had not encouraged me to look outside, I would have missed a gorgeous morning.

I’ve experienced a dark and oppressive view another time in my life, not from an actual physical barrier, but from a broken heart. During that time, I felt like I lived in a giant dark thundercloud. I went to sleep in the cloud, woke up in the cloud, went on errands in the cloud … it was everywhere I went.

It’s difficult to explain the darkness that comes upon someone filled with grief. My vision had become so obscured that I couldn’t imagine anything different. I went through my activities like a slow robot, with little engagement or feeling. It seemed like winter —in my heart. The thought of it ending never occurred to me. That is why I was so surprised by what I noticed one day.

It had been a dark and dreary morning when I went into my physical therapy appointment, but as I left, I saw something different. Just as I looked outside, the sun exploded from behind a black cloud. It was so bright and glorious that I felt a boost in my heart. Awakened with fresh realization, I exclaimed to myself, Wow, the sun is above the clouds after all. At that moment, I knew my observation was true for the sky and true for my heart. There IS light above the clouds! The darkness won’t last forever. That glimmer of hope began a new perspective for me. Light and life were possible. In time, God walked me through the darkness back into the light.

Photo by Jody Nardis

Have you ever experienced grief and loss that colored your world gray? Perhaps you are feeling it now?

Be comforted to know that there is a limit to your pain and suffering.  It may follow you around and feel like it’s never leaving, but it will. Grief is a necessary process when you experience loss, suffering, and heartache. When you have finished feeling all there is to feel, grief will slowly subside.

I’m not grieving anymore. The dark cloud lifted a long time ago. God made scars where the wounds once were. I remember them, but not with the same level of intensity. My faith is stronger now.  I’m confident God is with me, and know he is working for my good. His nearness comforts me. My hope is as high as the heavens because my hope is in God.

I’d like to share with you a quote I wrote after that day I saw the sun emerge.

“Above every cloud is a bright blue sky—will you ever see it again? Yes, my friend, you will fly!”

— I Wish for you Hope, Volume 1, Wendy Thayer

Someday, someone will tell you, “It’s a pretty morning, huh?” And you will go out and see it.

Photo credit: Karlene Macedo

“I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words.”

— Ann Hood

I found my 7-year-old niece whimpering behind a box in the laundry room. She had run off crying because no one would enforce the message she was delivering from her mom. She was obeying and trying to do right, but she didn’t have the authority to make her older brother get out of the pool.

So there she was crying and frustrated. I asked my niece why she was there and listened to her sweet little girl voice as she retold the story. Then I asked, why did you hide? I can’t comfort you if I don’t know where you are.

Picking up on that word, she sadly said, “There’s no one to comfort me.” My niece let me hold her as she expressed her frustrations. I had seen the event unfold and knew there was more to the story than she understood. In the moment, she didn’t need me to explain anything to her, she just needed to be loved.

“I know,” I said, “it’s hard to be little.” My thoughts receded to my own childhood remembering the same frustrations when I would tell my siblings, “Mom said” and be unable to make them listen.

After a little snuggle, my niece and I were off to watch a movie and ten minutes later she was back outside playing.

We never outgrow our need for comfort. It seems we exchange childhood problems for adult ones and learn to process grief in different ways.

The One who understands everything is God. I hope you will take your needs to Him in prayer. His word says he collects our tears in a bottle. How precious that our sorrows matter this much to him.

It’s important for some of our grieving to be private, but God also gave us each other.

As adults, we might reason we don’t want to bring anybody down, that we should be past it by now, or pretend that we are doing fine. I hope you will consider letting someone in to love you. What a healing gift of comfort we can receive from others. I know they might not do it exactly right, but they can try. And we can ask for what we need.

If you are the one unsure how to give comfort, remember we don’t need to know what to say. Other’s are not looking for advice, an explanation, or a spiritual justification. Those who are hurting simply need to be loved.

Like my niece, it’s easy to make the mistake of believing that there’s no one left to comfort us. But we might be difficult to find … perhaps not in the laundry room, but in the quietness of our soul.

In times of sorrow, I hope you will try something if you haven’t already: let yourself be known and loved.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

— 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”

— Philippians 3:13

I took my time traversing through wet grass, trees, and bushes looking for my golf ball. Even though I’d observed its path along a pair of trees, I couldn’t find my shiny new ball anywhere. How could I lose it so easily; it was bright pink?!

Do you know there’s a time limit for searching for lost balls?  The purpose is to keep the game moving along continuously without long pauses in play. Since I was playing alone, I had a bit more time to poke around for it.

Some things, we never recover. It was true that day; I left my ball behind, somewhere.

I’ve lost a lot of things in life … and I’m not talking about little golf balls. Can you look back on your life and sense the sorrow over lost years, lost opportunities, lost health, lost finances, lost trust, a lost marriage … ugh losses.

The famous poem in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 rings true – there is a time for everything, including a time to let go of our losses.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
     a time to plant and a time to uproot,
      a time to kill and a time to heal,
     a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
     a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
     a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
      a time to search and a time to give up,
     a time to keep and a time to throw away,
       a time to tear and a time to mend,
     a time to be silent and a time to speak,
      a time to love and a time to hate,
     a time for war and a time for peace.”

It is very normal and important to grieve our losses. But if in time, our sorrow turns sour, we’ll need to ask ourselves if we’re stuck.  Our pain can turn into depression, resentment, unforgiveness, negativity, ruminating on the past, complaining, bitterness, displaced anger, blaming, despair, and regret. Do you see these reactions creeping into your life?

We have an abundant life ready to experience now – there are people to love, our potential to develop, and our purpose to carry out. How can we let our past continue to rob us?

The apostle Paul said, “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13).”  I imagine he had to forgive and let go of a lot of things including persecution, abandonment, and injustice.

In golf, we’re given just three minutes before we cut our losses, but in life, it’s likely to take longer, but how long?  Is it your time and season to let go? Imagine if you could be free and unburdened. Can you see yourself being happy, creative, and optimistic? What would it be like if you could look forward instead of back? What if you could let go of the life you wished you had so you could dream new dreams for your future?

Wild Pink Roses, Beauty Among the Thorns

“Thou hast not that, My child, but thou hast Me;
And am not I alone enough for thee?
I know it all, know how thy heart was set
Upon this joy which is not given yet.”

— Amy Carmichael

“I’ve got some good news and some bad news…” my dad begins as he starts off a story.  It’s usually a joke that makes us all laugh.  Experiencing the bad with the good, isn’t this true of life?  

My longing for good gets shaken up by reality at times.  We all want life at its best: the kids to be successful, our bodies to be healthy, our finances to balance and investments to increase. We want our relationships to thrive and our romances to play like a storybook. We want others to be truthful and look-out for our best.  If they don’t, we get burned and wonder why people have to act the way they do.

When life crashes, when it really levels us, we can feel dismayed.  These kinds of losses are shocking and painful.  Have you ever found yourself so grieved and angry that you demand an answer from God? We innately KNOW life’s not supposed to be this way. So we fight it, we swing at the darkness, not making any difference. “Acceptance” can be the hardest part of the grief process.

A pastor once told me, “You’re longing for Eden, but you aren’t there yet.” It’s true.

I’m in a prayer group of women.  And do you know what? We never have a meeting when there are no prayer requests. As soon as one problem is solved another one pops up. This is life. It’s not picture-perfect, and it won’t be, this side of Heaven.

Do you feel the tension … wanting life as it “should” be and not as it is?

Here are a few ideas to help:

• Know your hope of Heaven will someday come true. Be patient and wait for it.

• Remember we are living in a broken world, there will always be weeds in the garden and sinful, cruel people (they might even be us at times), and there will be disease and death. Try to accept it. I didn’t say you have to like it or agree with it. But, it’s just crazy-making to bang our heads against the wall saying it’s not supposed to be this way.

• If you’re grieving, grieve.  Don’t add any more expectations on yourself.  Allow yourself some time to heal. (In fact, I hope you go wrap up in a warm blanket and wait to finish reading this another time).

• Practice your gratefuls, EVERY DAY. Focus on the good.

• Be a light.  You can do this! Make things fun, add your humor, share your talent, be generous, do a good deed, share a smile.  Be “good news” in someone else’s life.

• Don’t get fooled by what you see on media – it’s all filtered and presents the best, not the worst. We all do it; I’m not going to tell the public of my recent fight, surgery, or share my ugliest picture. So don’t compare your life with someone else’s best life image.

• Remember God is WITH you.  His presence, strength, comfort, and love will get you through the storm.

• Lean into God instead of fighting Him. Some of His best work happens in the dark as we surrender and worship.  

• Love yourself.  Be gentle with your expectations.  Take time to feel your feelings. Do some healthy things that fill your heart.

• Share your feelings with someone you trust (like a friend, pastor, or counselor).

We can all get caught between the now and the not yet, desirous for the way we want life to be.  Even when we don’t see it, God is working.  He is working for the good.  We might see it soon, or, we might have to wait until Heaven.  But we will see it.

So let me end by saying, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news …” and someday the bad news is getting swallowed up in victory. I’m cheering for you – that no matter what comes your way, you will persevere in faith, and offer your own blend of good news wherever you go!

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

— Hebrews 10:23-24