“Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others’ feelings. It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly—without attacking others.”
A couple of things went wrong today that made my palms sweat. My dental hygienist accidentally damaged my tooth when she pried off the temporary crown next to it. This was minor, compared to solving the tree problems that came next.
I hurried home, where a tree service company was working in our yard. Before the crew arrived, I had written to the owner for clarification on the bid but hadn’t received a reply. When I observed the crew’s progress and asked a few questions, I realized we had different plans.
Instead of pruning the deciduous trees all the way around as I wanted, they trimmed back just one side near the roof. They told me the other side would cost more money. Then, although the quote said, “Remove two cypress trees,” the crew thought it meant cutting down just one tree with a double trunk. (I had called the office to clarify this while driving to the dentist, and the secretary interpreted the owner’s bid as I had, that it meant TWO trees). Lastly, I learned that grinding the tree stump and removing the wood was not part of the bid. Altogether, it would cost $4,500 more to do what I thought was already included. I winced thinking about it.
Frustrated, I called my husband. We decided to cut the job short, and he would do what he could himself.
I informed the crew, sent a quick email to the company, and followed up with a phone call to the office. “If you cancel trimming the hedge,” the secretary explained, “we will have to charge you more for what the crew has done because we based the estimate on volume.”
She put in a call to the company’s owner, who quickly showed up at our home.
Recently, I’ve been honing my skills of being more assertive and expressing what I need. Perhaps God saw I’d benefit from more practice!
In this case, I was frustrated enough to show my annoyance, but I decided to confront the owner calmly without being a jerk. We looked at his estimate and my email together, and I pointed out the discrepancies. “You didn’t reply to my email to clarify the bid.” He nodded in agreement and apologized. We talked about the options and amicably settled on what his crew would finish.
During our conversation, the owner said something about his top employee that sparked a connection in my mind. He praised his arborist’s skill level saying, “He never lets the tree get the best of him. He finds a way to master the tree, to fall it safely.” In other words, he’s cool under pressure.
What a good example of how I want to be with my emotions.
Confronting others requires boldness and tact. My default is to either avoid conflict or get mad. Today, I found a balance and spoke the truth respectfully.
I wonder how great our impact would be if we, as a Christian community, treated people with self-control and honor, even when we believe our anger is justified.
How do you treat people when you become frustrated?
What if we learned to be cool under pressure? It’s a skill worth developing. Imagine what incredible ambassadors for Christ we could be.
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”